Feeling this way isn't heathy for the heart

last day

tomorrow is the last day

so many people leaving
so many memories will be lost
the last day of being with the ones i love
as they leave i no that my heart will always beat for them
but they will move on
they will find others
my last hug with my bro
my last gaming talk with lukas
my last councellor seshtion of this year
and i have so much to say
no more classes
no more teachers
diffrent PCAs

i dont know if im ready to leave
i cant let them leave with out them knowning how i feel
but its to late to make up for all the mistakes

i love you guys who im loosing
and i always will
i hope i see u guys alot
but i no we will never be the same....
walking in this storm is looking like a grate idea at the moment
its time to become cold
time to be numb
time to lye down and not believe that its over...

Every week
Every fucking week
It seems u come up with another issue about me
How I'm failing you
Or ingnoring you
And then we have these arguments and u say all these things
That make me think that it's ok
That we will be fine
And then bam
Another blogpost about how I don't love you anymore
I've said sorry for everything already
And u say u don't mean to hurt me bu u keep doing it
U know who you are
And yet ur not the same person as u were before

colab with findhomeandlivefree.blogspot.com

colaboration
her part will be in in normal letters
i shall put mine in italics
p.s her blog is
findhomeandlivefree.blogspot.com


The moon shone through the tall green trees the covered the grave of where she lay,
resting her head she slept
deep into her tragic dreams
full of pain and memorys
burning into her silent eyes

the wind filed the leaves and whispered through the graveyard and continued down the street, spinning stories down the lanes and through the old town. It was cold, dark, and quiet.

The wind blew down up her skirt tickling her thighs,
as she woke back into the world of the living surrounded by those who are dead,
she thought of the events that brought her here
scream through her mind the words of her pursuires

and it was no longer quiet. Everything screamed inside her as the wind bit through to the bone, and she sat up and looked around. it was empty, desolate.

The wind through her hair to the right forcing her to look in that direction
thats when she noticed,
the trees had turned there branches into hands
and all pointed deep into the forest which surrounded the grave yard
The hands were old, rickerly and hair,
they had been damaged over time

The path that led into the forest was almost overgrown. Branches knotted their way around, a tunnel of trees and roots and bony twigs; an impossble tangle. The wind was pulling her towards it; yearning, leaning. She looked down at the grass beneath her
it was perfectly still

She still had this pulling force but the grass didnt move
the grean field was only interupeted by the trees and gravestones
she tried to walk away
trying to escape the cluth of the forest
she fell to the ground and fell the winds hands clasp her ankles
pulling her towards the forest
her legs lifted as if being pulled by a someone not a somthing
she dug her fingers into the green grass, digging up dirt and braking nails,
she heard the grass scream out in pain and finaly let go,
she was hurled into the intangeled forest
being thrown from tree to tree
as branchs tore parts of her skirt and shirt apart
when it all calmed down she was left with nothing
but a few scraps of fabric coving her shoulds to her belly button and her skirt was was now torn to her upper thighs

 

 

 

 

p.s i have a lot of stoies so go and check em out on my other channel which there is a link for just above me follows :D

D:

My feelings are going back and forth
Im not sure what i want to do anymore
I stopped dating for so long and set all these rules
but now more and more amazing people are turning into more then just people
Im scared im gonna fuck up another friendship
by thinking with my heart not my head
i hear and see the drama every day
but the longer i wait the harder its gonna get

The list

As tiny as u are your one of the big ones
I have lost so much and now I have to add you to the list
I never imagined you'd be on it
You were a reason
A big reason why I kept going
But now it isn't there
You are someone else's now
And I guess I don't need to protect you anymore
It's time to hang up my shield and maybe my neck

It's only when relationships end do we realize how much that person actually ment

You don't need to worry
You don't need to talk
You don't need me anymore
So good bye
And I hope you can push on longer then I can

Awkward

I no ur gonna read this so what the heck

Last night one of my mates slept in my bed with me
We were all clothed
But this feeling took over
I could stop holding her hips
And feeling her soft skin
It was weird and this sounds a bit scary
But Idn it was just something
I had to stop my self from doing anything
MAybe it's because I havnt been with anyone in ages
Or because your beautiful
I don't have a thing for you
It was just really nice
I felt good
And at the same time really bad
Sorry

First ever poem

I don't know if this is any good but eh
comment if u think it's bad or good


The rain trickles down
As the moon floats away
The rope falls low
As she swings back and fro 
Her shadow grows and fades
Her love will lay
It was her suicide
That brought my pain
Her hair hung loose
The red locks tangled over her chest
Her once warm skin became blue and cold
Her heart stops beating
As mine beats faster
I love her as she once loved me

Rue

Hunger games
I just watch this awesome clip
Of when rue dies
And now
I feel as if I have lost someone
Someone close
I have lost people around me
But I actually feel as if one of my friends has died
I feel like I'm in morning(wrong spelling)
Idn why
It's just stuck in my head
I now it's coming
I need to note everything down
Take more photos
I need to reflect on the relationships I have build
I need to make them know I love them
All of them

This is where my feelings go

This is where they go
Good or bad
I don't want to hurt anyone just say what I'm feeling and that can end up being negative

I would always be your savior
But it's that u said I wasn't
That I lie over and over
That's what did it for me
That's what hurt

The first strike

Of all people I would never of thought it to be you
I read your letter and see it as nothing
The one thing that true made me believe that you were the person who would always be there
And you stab me in the back
I swore to help
And you spat it in my face
I will always be there
I will take the pain

You destroyed my spirit tonight
You did it
No one else
You were the one who was always gonna be on my side and now
Now you have fucked me over
Over and over

I'm it ur savior

You say I'm not your saviour
U say ur not good enough because I don't tell you anything

I don't tell u anything to save you
I have done so much that when I take a small amount of time of weakness that I am said to be a failer
A fuck up that's me
I'm sorry I couldn't help out
I'm sorry that I'm not there as much
But I have done so much
And I say everything you check my blog you know what's going on
I don't plan to die
I just feel it comIng
I have done so much
So fucking much
But no
I always let people down
You want me to be open fine then
Ask and I will sai will tell you and let you cry
I will show you why I don't tell you
I will make you wish you had still come to me for help and not try to get my pain out!!!

just sent this to a mate

"will you be at school tomorrow"

"

yeah idn if ill be there

i lied
im not fine
im not ok
i no its coming
i feel worse every day
i really wanted you to be here
so i had someone
someone important
to talk my foolish and fucked mind of it
but i no it
i dont want it
i cant have it
but i feel it
deep inside
the need
i dont know how much longer i can support every one
i need to finish my book so when im gone you all have somthing to keep u pushing

i just dont know any more


im sorry

you have so much more then i can ever imagin
and im here cracking in front of you

ive fucked up

alot"

Check out

Hey this is part one of a new story called
Between hurricane and harbor
I might post more on my second blogg there's a link just up there
And after this post I'll be posting the other parts of Lucy on there as well
So I hope u enjoy this


Between hurricane and harbor 

Its cold out side and the water underneath the bridge is flowing extremely heavily, I walk through the cold air,
My breath is white,smoke like, then I see her
She was sitting up against the bridge her dark figure showed she was skinny and her legs reached the end of the curb and onto the road
It was only when the truck drove by did I see it
Those big guiding head lights opened my eyes
Dropping my bag I ran as fast as I could to her
Sliding on the wet bridge I reach her in no time
I automatically clasp her bleeding wrists
Blood pures over my fingers making them warm not numb
I  turn around, screaming for help but I know no one would hear. In this small town know comes running when someone is screaming out, I scoop her up into both arms after I realize I can see my house and I know I can help out quicker then staying here waiting for the ambulance. I don't feel the cold anymore insead I feel her deep red fluid running down my cloths and staining my chest, her short blue hair chocks me with all the hair spray but it doesn't matter, in no time we are already past the bridge and heading to the house, I lye her down against the wall next to my front door, the house is only small but it works well for me and my room mate who is out, over seas for a while, I start screaming towards her. 
" keep pressure on your arms"
But she only moans 
I crab both her elbows and lift her into my arms
Helping her into the bath
I raise both of her wrists and start straight away
Strapping up one and then observing the other
This one is horribly dirty
I look deep into her dark green eyes and say
" this is gonna hurt a lot but you have to trust me"
I put her arm under the tap and spin the hot water tap
It steams and burns her flesh but cleans the wounds perfectly
I grab her now clean wrist and start with the stitches 
I quickly fix the worst ones on each side
And she just lays there
Motionlessly 
I don't know if she is dead except for the occasional and way to long part moans
After fixing up her arm
I lay there next to the bath tub
Covered in blood
With the front door still open
I look towards her
Tears pouring down her face
And then her eyes shut
She has passed out
But I don't know what to do
I just lay there checking her neck for a beat every few minutes

I wake up suddenly to the slam of the front door