It's just pain these days. It seems to be nothing but sorrow and pain. I'm trying to figure it all out. This balance of life and pain. Should I keep going on faking it all but falling about on the inside or is it the best idea to finally, find someone and just open up to them. I've been dieing to tell someone. I wish someone would smell the hidden sent of blood on my shirts and just stop me, and actually talk to me about my life. Maybe looking at old friends would be the best idea if I had any still around. I'm so sick of feeling this way. Why will someone not just ask me honestly how I was...

I don't even know what to say so ill make it a bit dot pointed aye.
Nothing is going well.
Life is just a pill of shit.
I cut more and more these days.
Nothing but feeling numb
I wake up in the morning, sit on my bed and just stare into nothing. Thinking of how another day of shit is about to happen.

i dont think id ever feel this alone.
Every on has truely left my life, close friends, girlfriends, family members.
i have noone to turn to.
I new that what i did with my ex was fucked, it was wrong and i knew that even when being with her, But it was good. i felt finaly happy with her. then it all went wrong. i thought it was only me, her and calum but now i see it has messed everything up alot more then just the three of us. i never thought id loose her, of all people i thought erin was the one who would have stayed with me, of course i was wrong and it had been taht way for a while now, i never thought she would hate me and that started me beginging of my shitty night, things did change it turned nice when we remember everything and figured out that be both liked eachother back then, but its all diffrent now, i lost my close friend, and possible the girl i was always ment to be with.

The need to rip into my flesh is rising. I don't know what to do.

I need someone right fucking now. I'm freaking out holy crap. I called her with no answer she said she would be there for me and I need her now or someone anyone just need contact need someone else to call to contact to answer fuck. I can't fucking keep doing this anymore