my head is swelling, These thoughts of loss, guilty, missery, tragety and most of all suicide.
Im woken to the ounding of these thoughts and think of them before i begin to slumber. I feel as if i have competely lost myself. Somewhere along the way of my life i just disapeared, I lost my self in the smoke and fog of others and then lost them leaving me with nothing but a shell of regret.

These thoughts of regret soon turn into guilt and push me closer and closer to the idea of suicide. I had this moment when i wasnt close to anyone. I look back and wonder if that was the time i should have died, If that was my moment to finaly surrender and be happy in my tomb of dirt and soil, But now im back to the point of not wanting to hurt someone in my life. I had the chance and like so many others in the past i missed my oppurtunity.

idn im tired and can feel the bandages and blood fusing into scabs.