Today was amazing
All day
But it was readying ur diary as you lay and slept that made the day
I felt so good
Like it could work
I had no regrets
No pain
But now I'm here
I have dropped
I feel like ripping my self apart
Everyone says I need to sleep more
But it's when I try that I have time to think
I have time to notice the blades in my room
I have time to notice my body
Time to see my scars

Its at this time
When I can see the pain
When I can feel the dread
I'm not stable
I'm not safe
I'm scared of my self
And what I'll do

I'm so nervous that I have depression
But I can't tell anyone
I can't open up anymore
This is my only outlet

So many bad things
Have happened
And I wonder how I'm still pushing
How I'm still living when one of my events would make people think of suicide 

I have also been thinking
What if I wasn't here
If I did cut so deeply I bled out
What would change
I no you'd miss me 
But that would pass
I no I have more to live for
But I don't know if it's meant to be 

Maybe I'm to close
Maybe I need to step back